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have funA bird's story
A little bird was flying in winter.The bird froze and fell to the ground.A cow came by and dropped some dung on it. Bird realized how warm it was and began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing & dug it out and ate the bird.
Moral:
1. Not everyone who drops shit in you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend.
The farmer and his donkey
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided that the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all of his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. The donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly at first. Then to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovels loads later the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw, with each shovel of dirt that hit his back; the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up and over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember these five simple rules to be happy.
1. Free your heart from hatred--Forgive
2. Free your mind from worries--Most of them never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
NOW --------------------------------------------- Enough of that CRAP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The donkey later came back and bit the farmer, who had tried to bury him, on the butt. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you in the end. Osama & Bush
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he emailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
A Letter from an Irish Mother
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home - we have moved. About your father - he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery.There was a washing machine at the new house when we moved in but it hasn't been working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen the shirts since. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. Your uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whisky in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
Your loving Mother
PS: I was going to send you five pounds but I had already sealed the envelope.
Who to call .... The Proctologist or The Ophthalmologist??
A man with a glass eye had been out for a night on the town. Being the worst for wear, when he stumbled into bed, he dropped his glass eye into his drinking water on the bed table. During the night, he drank the water and swallowed the eye.
A day or so later he was suffering from severe constipation, so he went to his local M.D. The doctor inserted his proctoscope and muttered under his breath, "Good grief, I've looked up plenty of assholes before, but this is the first one to ever look back at me." What's the difference between a physician, a surgeon, a psychiatrist, and a pathologist ?
The physician knows everything and does nothing.
The surgeon knows nothing and does everything. The psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing. The pathologist knows everything, but always a week too late. The Evolution of Medicine
I have an earache .........
2000 BC - Here, eat this root.
1000 AD - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 AD - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 AD - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 AD - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. King of the Jungle...
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Materialistic Londoners
A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life." "How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobs the Porsche owner. The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you."
The Londoner looks down in horror ........ "****ING HELL !" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????...." The businessman and the fisherman
A management consultant, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.
"Not very long." answered the fisherman.
"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant. The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman. The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you........ You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.
"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant. "And after that?" asked the fisherman. "After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!" "Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.
"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings havings drinks with friends.
Cause For Unrest
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman.....Since then, neither God nor man has rested. WHEN THE BODY WAS FIRST MADE ALL ITS PARTS WANTED TO BE BOSS....
THE BRAIN SAID: Since I control everything and do all the work I should be boss.
THE FEET SAID: Since I carry man where he wants to go and get him to do what the Brain wants, I should Be boss.
THE HANDS SAID: Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep all the rest of you going, I should be boss.
THE EYES SAID: Since I must look out for all of you and tell you where danger lurks, I should be boss.
And so it went with the Heart, the Ears, and the Lungs. Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded that he be boss. All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of an asshole being boss.
The Asshole was so angered that he blocked himself off and refused to function. Soon the Brain was feverish, the Eyes crossed and ached, the Feet were too weak to walk, the Hands hung limply at his side, the Heart and Lungs struggled to keep going.
All pleaded with the Brain to relent and let the Asshole be boss, and so it happened. All parts did the work and the Asshole just bossed and passed out a lot of shit.
MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be boss, just an Asshole. トラックバックこの記事のトラックバックの URL は次のとおりです。 http://shresthaom.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B3988D49D1BBA8A5!350.trak この記事を参照しているブログ
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